I’m back, I’m sure all my adoring fan(s) noticed. Not. We went on vacation, so that’s my excuse ... well that and honestly I’m still trying to decide if I am going to do this thing – I’m not someone who likes to do things halfway, but I’m also not sure that blogging is for me or that I have anything to say that anyone else wants to read. So, that’s that … for now, here I am.
I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness lately. Over the past 18 mos, my friends, my family and I have been through A LOT. Actually, my life has been A LOT (I think) and I’ve experienced some major things (major bummers) in my 38 years and yet, people, I am a truly happy person and I think what I have realized (yesterday on the Treadclimber at the gym while watching Oprah, admittedly) is that I have made the decision to be happy and I work at it every day.
I have three sisters, I am the middle child with two older and one younger. We had a fairly typical middle class upbringing. Our dad worked, our mom stayed at home, we were a close, tight-knit group and I have a lot of great childhood memories. Having said that … our dad drank a lot until I was about 12 and our parents fought A LOT. When I was 12, we moved to another town and that is about the time that our dad stopped drinking. Our parents loved us, they were good parents … questionable spouses ... but good parents. When I was 18 and a freshman in college, our dad died of heart related issues. It was sudden, it was shocking and it rocked our world. Life went on for the five of us. Last year, at 70, after some really hard health struggles, we lost our mom. I can’t speak for my sisters, but I am still dealing with it (16 mos later). I was a Mama’s Girl and I miss her terribly. It isn’t something I talk about regularly, sometimes because I feel like nobody really cares to listen (ok, that was my only pity party moment). Anywhoo … so my dad died when I was 18, my mom died last year and in between there was some other crap … 3 miscarriages, 1 ectopic pregnancy resulting in an emergency surgery just to name a few things. However, Hubby and I have Bubby and we consider ourselves extremely blessed and truthfully – he is enough.
What is my point in all this, other than to let my vast number of readers get to know me? Just that my life has not been perfect or easy or necessarily wonderful and yet I find that I am truly one of the happiest people I know. Have I mentioned that I’m not especially attractive or smart or witty (Hubby is all of those things, how did I get so lucky?). Again, average … I am decidedly average in most aspects of my life. I think the reason I am thinking/writing about this now is that currently I seem to have several very unhappy people in my life. It isn’t my place to judge them, to decide if they ‘have any reason to be unhappy’ and please understand that I am in no way a Dr. of Psychiatry, nor do I play one on tv, so I’m not questioning their emotions. I am really just sharing the epiphany ($5 word of the day!) that I had … that I WANT to be happy, I want Hubby and Bubby to be happy, and somewhere at some point I made some kind of decision that “damn it, I’m gonna be happy”.
So, there you go, universe … now I am going to post this and hide under my desk waiting for the anvil to drop out of the sky. HeeHee!