Thursday, July 21, 2011

Approaching 40

I think I may be having a mid-life crisis.  No, I'm not having an affair with a much younger man (I work on a college campus, they are everywhere I turn!) and I'm not driving a ridiculous car (I still have a car seat to deal with and I buy a lot of groceries) and I have no plans for hair plugs (in fact I plan to cut a lot of my hair off this weekend).  Oh, wait ...

Maybe I am just bored.  Ya know?  About two years ago I looked at a picture of myself and my little sister.  Little is a good word, actually, because she has always been smaller than me ... shorter but also thinner.  However, we have always looked alike ... so much so that we were often mistaken for twins in our teens and twenties.  Well two years ago NOBODY would have made the mistake, I was BIG.  I knew I was BIG, but I didn't realize that I was THAT BIG until I looked at that picture.  We looked nothing like each other because, truthfully, I had hit that point where my weight was so high that it showed in my face.  Not.  Good.  That did it, I had to make some changes.  Now I have worked out regularly for years, so I get really annoyed with that idea that heavy people are just lazy.  I have a lot of character flaws, but laziness is just not one of them.  I was eating TOO MUCH.  I did some research and talked to some friends and decided to try Weight Watchers online.  It worked for me, it is still working for me, and I'll leave it at that (unless they want to pay me to say more, LOL).  Anyway, point is ... first step in the mid-life crisis, possibly.  A good thing, but still a fairly big change.

So the weight loss started in August of 2009.  In November of 2009, I lost my mom.  I am 38 years old and I am parent-less, having lost my dad at 18.  This has also contributed to whatever weid place I'm in.  I think when you suffer a loss that great, it changes you, forever.  I don't think there is any way to avoid it.  I've had this conversation with others that have lost a parent or a spouse or (I am ill to even think about it) a child.  I don't have a lot of tolerance for bs anymore.  I don't cut people endless amounts of slack anymore ... especially to my own detriment.  If I am shopping at Target and you get in my way, you'll receive one nice excuse me but after that, you'd better move.  I do think, though, that I have become a better friend to those that deserve it.  I only keep close those that really care about me and my well being these days, and I try to be a good friend to them in return, as I truly care about them and their well being.  However, those that can only offer me surface chatter, well that is what they get in return.  Gone are the days of me giving 80% and being happy with 20% in return.

Finally, I mentioned a while back that there were going to be some potential changes at work.  It has just become official that my boss of 7 years is leaving to take another position.  This is mostly a good thing.  Professionally, we have made a good team over the past 7 years.  Personally, we are about as different as two people can be and we have had a good share of tension.  It has been exhausting.  I had started to look at moving on a while back as I thought he would be in his job forever (his words, his plan).  Now, a wrench has been thrown and I am trying to decide how to handle it.  Short term, I will stay and hold down the fort.  Long term, notsosure.  I just don't think I want to be here anymore.  I want to do something else.  Something that I enjoy, something that interests me, something that is more than a good job with good pay and great benefits.  What is that?  God only knows and I am waiting for him to spill beans.  Waiting ... Waiting ... Waiting ...

Do you think this qualifies as a mid-life crisis or am I just a nutjob?  Possibly.  Both.

So, this weekend I am cutting off my hair (I really look better with short hair anyway) and I am cleaning out my garage (it is disgusting) and I am breaking in my new Shaklee Get Clean products that had better be worth the chunk of change I plunked down for them and I hope to watch a few episodes of The Big C.  Maybe I will feel better!  I think I might!

Shaklee at Clean Mama

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